I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
