24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
