apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
