eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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