oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
