I think I won the penis lottery.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
