Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
