Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
