i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
