He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
