I cut my penus on the lid.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
