The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize