I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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