One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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