that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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