Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
