Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
