That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
