you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
