ya dads aren't the best wingmen
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
