I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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