If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
