Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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