yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
