My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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