The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Even my vagina gasped.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
