WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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