Already got asked if we're dating
i need an iv and a liver transplant
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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