you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
