good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
