I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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