I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
