I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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