Screwed.edu
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
