Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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