i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
