but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
