just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
either way he was missing a nipple.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
