Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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