We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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