I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
