Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
