i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
