We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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