i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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