I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
