Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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