he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
