I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
