so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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