Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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