when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
