dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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