Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
