Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
