U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
