Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize