our cab driver is having phone sex.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
soo... how was my night?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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