My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
