Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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