I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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