Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
