some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
