I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
