i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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