someone threw a dead crab at me
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
