Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
