Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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