I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
