it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The power of my boobs compel you
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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