There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
